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First, a preface:
Underlying all of these shoulds is the question of what are we here for? What should we be doing with ourselves? Like everybody else, I don't have the answer. I do, however, have a guess. For the purpose of these questions, I will be operating under the assumption that the reason why we are here is something like: to be the best humans we can be.
Too vague, I know. If my vagueness is killing you, read the next paragraph; otherwise, skip to the first question.
Our purpose is not to maximize the sensation of happiness or any other feeling, nor is it to be mindlessly productive or useful without self-regard, nor is it to survive or reproduce. Our purpose, as best as I can tell, is to do the best we can, where "best" is subjectively measured with a feeling most closely resembling what we call "satisfaction" or "fulfillment". What's "best" is different for different people, and will vary over time or even over the course of the day. It is horribly subjective, but it's the best I've got. I do not have enough space here to argue for it because currently the only way I know how is by arguing against every other theory. So, for now, you will just have to take it as given.
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Ordered by how confident I feel with the response... (you will notice that the answers become progressively longer as they become harder to answer.)
2. How can one tell if one is in love or infatuated?
Love is intimacy, passion, and commitment. Infatuation is just passion.
5. What should one do when anxious?
Typically attacking the anxiety head-on is better than band-aid solutions like deep-breathing exercises. Mindfulness helps, so does trying to keep things in perspective, but only marginally. Fears and anxieties are all about conditioning, and they can be conditioned out of you -- see here, for example.
7. What should one do if one is shy?
Shyness is a form of anxiety. Like I said in my response to that question, there are band-aid solutions (it helps, for example, to recognize that your shyness is not unique or unusual), but it's best to attack it head-on. Importantly, one should recognize that shyness is not inherently bad, and in fact many desirable qualities are associated with shyness. This podcast explains it well.
3. How much love should one have for oneself?
People often talk of striking a healthy balance between arrogance and self-loathing, but I think it's more nuanced than that. Some people think that if you unconditionally love yourself then you will tolerate your poor behavior. I have a different take: I think one should always love oneself to the utmost degree in the sense that love means a deep admiration and respect of what you are as a living, breathing, conscious organism. The fact that we are here at all is amazing (dare I say miraculous?), and should always be treated preciously, with love. Contentment is something different. We should never be content with who we are or what we have accomplished. Some days we should be more content with our behavior than others, but we should never be fully content because there is no such thing as "good enough".
4. Should one worry what other people think?
I love this question. One should treat others' opinions as information in the equation, more evidence for one thing or another. (Theoretically, if we were all intellectually honest and respected others' opinions, no one would disagree.) For optimal decision making, there is a healthy balance between ignoring what everyone thinks and basing judgments exclusively on what others think. Not that others' opinions should be weighed equally, but I think many people place too much weight in too few opinions. How much weight should be placed on others' opinions depends on the context, and there are too many subtleties to explore here.
6. How should one deal with death?
With your own pending death, treat it as an inspirational reminder:
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure — these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
With the death of a loved one, don't hide from the emotions: mourn and cry and remember and let the anger fill you. By allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you will form an intimate bond with the other mourners that will give you the most deeply human experience imaginable -- this is what it is to be alive. Remember that the fact that people are now or were ever alive is miraculous and to be treasured, no matter how brief.
8. How should one end a relationship?
If you have good reasons for believing the relationship should end, and that person is reasonable, you ought to be able to convince them. Maybe you are not able to verbalize the reason(s), and if so, tell them that, but at least show them that you are trying hard to understand and communicate your reasons. Always be respectful, and show that by listening.
If the person is unreasonable, you don't need to worry about explaining yourself. But rule #1 in break-ups, whether or not the person is reasonable, is don't be a jerk. Rule #2 is show that you are serious.
9. How can one live happily with other people?
Above all, recognize that happiness is not something that happens to you -- it is an internal experience, one that you have significant control over. So I will take this question to mean "how can one live well with other people?"
The important thing is that you like each other. There are all sorts of psychological tricks that are useful for this purpose, such as imitating a person's mannerisms, but more important, I think, is being reasonable, caring, and courteous. Mindfulness, as cliché as the words has become, is of central importance in being attentive to the events, feelings, and status of your relationship. It helps to believe in your ability to solve your own problems.
1. What is a good parent?
A big part of parenting is over at the point of conception. Much of parenting is simply finding and courting a suitable mate. This may sound horribly cold -- thinking that a child’s genetic inheritance is much of what a parent is good for -- but in fact our subconscious biological processes matter a great deal to ensuring a child’s health and ultimate success. The good news that can be taken away from this is that this whole finding and courting process is often ignored in the parenting equation, taken as given, exactly because it is so automatic, requiring so little thought or effort.
If what I say in the paragraph above is true, that would mean if genetically enhancing technology were available and reliably safe, the definition of a good parent would be expanded to include those who provide this technology for their children. So those who pay the big bucks to have their children genetically altered to boost their immune system, intelligence, creativity, etc. would by this definition be better parents. It's an uncomfortable thought, but one I can live with.
On the nurture side, a good parent is one who assists their child in being the best human they can be. That, to me, means nudging them in the right direction, particularly exercising their mind, and most importantly, providing a foundation from which to grow -- to be a tough but loving figure, and to provide security while helping the child mature to a point that they no longer need your security.
