Real Self vs. false selves

I’ve found myself in a number of discussions lately about identity, and there is one issue that keeps nagging me: What the heck is a “Real Self”?

There is some level of blueprint-ed-ness with our personalities and values and abilities and behavior and so on, because genes shape a lot of who we are. So in that sense I can kind of see how one could conceive of a Real Self. But genes are not destiny, and genes only work by interacting with the environment. Environmental factors are at least semi-random, and so “I” am at least semi-random.

Some people seem to conceptualize a Real Self as the parts of us that are stable over the lifetime, but that seems strange to me. I am different from when I woke up this morning—not by much, but a little. I am definitely different from 5 – or 20 – years ago. My interests have changed, my behavior has changed, my values have changed, as they have in any healthy person who ages. We can maybe go on a mission to find a few common threads that seem unique to me throughout my lifespan – maybe I’ve always been a little introverted, or maybe I’ve always preferred blue over red – but to construct a Self from those things, I don’t know, just seems bizarre.

And as far as I can tell, the only thing that would distinguish a false self from a Real Self is wanting to impress other people, or something like that. But wanting to impress other people is probably one of those traits that we can say has been a constant thread throughout our lives, so shouldn’t I call that part of “me”?

The one goal that all forms of life have in common is, of course, gene propagation, and so impressing people is a crucial part of who we are because it’s essential in the competition over status, mates, territory, etc. People seem to want to escape to a Zen-like state of not caring what others think, but why? That would make life hideously boring, wouldn't it? Maybe I don’t want to care about impressing you, but I sure as hell want you to care about impressing me (or if not me, then someone, at least). (Related: The Darwinian Theory of Beauty.)

So, I’m puzzled. What does a “Real Self” mean to you? And why should anyone care about finding it? And to what extent is an identity developed vs. found?