You silly Universe, you

If I were an impartial evaluator evaluating the Universe, I might ding Her on some of Her design choices. For example, I think you’ll agree that these common dilemmas are not exactly efficient:

-- Is that girl flirting with me, or mocking me?

-- Is she crying, or laughing?

-- Do I feel nervous, or in love?

-- Are those lions fighting, or mating?

-- Do these clothes make me look fashionable, or like an old man on a fishing trip?

-- Mmm, do I smell apple cider in here, or did Grandpa fart?

Then there are the more subtle but equally as troubling dilemmas:

-- Is she optimistic, or insane?

-- Is she realistic, or depressed?

-- Is she ambitious, or unaware of her mortality?

Nor are humans the only creatures susceptible to such absurdities. I imagine that a polar bear, for example, probably views his afternoon snack of seal pup as simultaneously delicious and adorable. “You’re so cute I could just eat you up.” Oh wait.

I don’t know what to conclude from all this except that if there is a God or Great Universal Force or what-have-you, then She apparently has an abundant appreciation of absurdity (and words that begin with the letter ‘A’.)

I hope She’s amused.