Her negative attitude is bringing us all down

#6:

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Carolyn,

I love my lover and her many desirable qualities like her long, flowing hair, her cute butt, her fondness of call-in radio programs, her use of first-person plural pronouns, and many other such things – and here is where I negate everything I just said: – but she is bringing me down with her negativity.

I have a lot to offer the world, you know. Given the right support system and a positive attitude, there is hardly any limit to the size and staying-power of the dent I can make in the Universe. I’m confident that if I just get the right mix of people around me then I will be able to have an influence that extends beyond even the cruelest mass extinctions and supernovae.

Point being that I can’t afford – nay, the world can’t afford – to have my potential vacuum-sucked dry by a spouse high on negativity quotient.

So, I need your help. You don’t need to respond to this email, you just need to agree to lock yourself in a room with my lover until she agrees to come out with a positive attitude.

Do it for the Universe.

-- Your one-way pen pal