***
Carolyn,
I’ve heard it said that all the competing compatibility criteria can be boiled down to the question of, “are we laughing at the same shit?”
This scares the poop out of me. If it’s true, I’m worried that I may be destined for a lifetime of lonely nights wearing unfunny clothing like pajama pants and eating unfunny foods like Honey Dijon sandwiches and chuckling at unfunny things like my pooch’s assortment of postures and noises.
I don’t want to say that I have a unique sense of humor, but by saying that I don’t want to say that I have a unique sense of humor, I’ve kind of already said it. So there it is. My cards are on the table.
But the challenge of finding a lady with a similar sense of humor is not what scares me. I’m confident that if I looked under enough rocks or in enough middle school classrooms I’d find a single girl who laughs at the same shit.
What scares me are the consequences. Imagine what might happen if I got together with a girl who gets giddy looking at the cover of Trout Fishing in America or who thinks this is the funniest thing ever. I just shuddered a little.
I mean, yes, of course, it would be quite nice to have the company of a lady who finds humor in similarly weird shit. I’d quite like that. But would we be able to reliably feed and clothe and bathe ourselves? I’m worried about our ability to function as independent adults if one of us is always laughing at poop jokes.
Scarier still, if a guy and a girl hang out for long enough then there is a non-trivial chance that they will produce a human or three. That seems dangerous. Nobody would like that, least of all the Universe.
So I guess the question to you, Carolyn, is a philosophical one: Is it unethical for two people to start a relationship knowing that the end result could likely be more humans who find Sarah Silverman humorous?
-- Worried and Unfunny and Possibly Unethical
###
In case you have a similarly twisted sense of humor, here are nine things that recently gave me a good chuckle:
1. Brilliantly smart-ass responses to completely well-meaning signs (hat tip: the Door)
2. CoedsWithColds.com
3. “People say ‘I’m taking it one day at a time’. You know what? So is everybody. That’s how time works.”
4. “I was playing chess with my friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess.”
(Both of the previous lines come from here.)
5. Scott Adams on early humans
6. DanHarmon.com
7. An alternative to this effing online dating business
8. Really bad analogies
9. How Steve Martin ended his stand-up routine:
Well, we’ve had a good time tonight, considering we’re all going to die someday.
---
Update: Thanks to Anna for reminding me of quite possibly the awesomest taxidermy commercial ever made.
