So you know to be suspicious if you see an economist lingering. What does he want? I don’t have any cost data. Leave us be.
Well lately I’ve been doing a suspicious amount of lingering. I’m surprised no one has phoned the authorities. When I have to pee, instead of making a direct line to the little boy’s room as most good economists do, sometimes I’ll take a small tour around campus on the way to the restroom.
Just stretchin’ my legs, you know, gettin’ a little sun exposure. Peekin’ in windows or what not. Gettin’ souped up for the big tinkle.
That’s what I imagine I’ll tell the authorities if they ever come. And then I imagine they’ll ask me to expand on the peeking in windows part.
Well you see, authority figure, as an economist I am naturally curious about productivity. I want to know if the worker bees are really being good worker bees or if they are reading TMZ on company time. It’s the principal-agent problem, really. So I’m just, you know, taking a convenience sample and seeing how well economic theory holds. A little empirical testing is all.
Not knowing what the word “empirical” means, they’ll reluctantly let me go on the basis of insufficient evidence, and then I’ll safely return to my desk, where I’ll send anonymous emails saying the following:
Dear “worker” who has a penchant for celebrity gossip,
I may or may not have photographic evidence of the websites you have been visiting on company time, and I may or may not share that photographic evidence with the patrons of the cafeteria if the cash sum of $5 USD is not put in an envelope and left under the picnic table by 11:00am tomorrow.
Thanks for your attention to this matter.
--Your colleague
P.S. – Bieber? Really?
Economists gonna economize.
