By far, the most attractive features fell under the category of "self care." These features were changeable aspects like good grooming, neat hair, nice fitting and quality clothing, good posture, and healthy weight. Essentially, the most attractive features about a person (male or female) is that they put forth some effort to shower, groom, select some nice clothes, stand up straight, and manage their diet a bit. No plastic surgery, major gym time, or extensive overhauling required.
That comes from a somewhat irritating article from the self-proclaimed Attraction Doctor (which I found from a Lifehacker article which was sent to me by my ex presumably because she knows I suck at life).
I find the article irritating in part because it’s how-to-y but mostly because it keeps trying to make the point that being attractive is “easy.”
I think we might be interpreting the data differently. The Attraction Doctor is looking at it and thinking, “Sweet, I don’t need my abdominal muscles to pop out of my skin nor do I need to have exotic features, a Latin accent, or a basketball player’s height.” I’m looking at the same data and thinking, “Oh shit, am I going to have to start ironing my socks?”
Attention to detail, fellas. That’s what it’s probably all about. When I think of the guys I have known who get flocked by females (ahem, Lars), these are the types of guys who iron their socks. I never witnessed Lars shop for clothing, but rumor has it that he treats the experience rather like a very complicated surgery. His clothing not only needs to fit in all the right areas, it also needs to complement his eyeballs, or something.
This does not sound easy to me. This sounds like highly skilled and highly time-consuming work. Maybe I should hire someone. The job description would include dressing me, yelling at me to sit up, and pointing to places in my hair or teeth to say, “hey, you missed a spot.”
Wait a minute, that sounds a lot like my ex-girlfriend. Well, shit.
What the Attraction Doctor didn’t tell you but I will is that a much easier and equally reliable way of attracting women is by posting photos of puppies in baskets.
Happy Thanksgiving, folks.
