***
Carolyn,
Have you heard about the scientific research saying that you can get fat just by associating with fatties? Holy F, right? But it gets even scarier because not just my fatness but also my intelligence, job prospects, vagina options, and happiness are strongly influenced by the people I associate with. Eesh!
Don’t get me wrong: My friends are good people. They’re pleasant to be around if you like dumb jokes or fattening food or alcoholic beverages. They’re just not good enough. Here’s the logic:
1. The only point in life is to make yourself the best human you can be.
2. If life is meaningless then there is no point in going on.
3. You cannot possibly be the best human you can be if the people around you aren’t helping you to become the best human you can be.
4. Therefore, if you are friends with some dweeb named Ty-Dawg whose idea of the good life is World of Warcraft + a bag of cheetos, you might as well shoot yourself in the jugular right now.
Time is our most precious resource so it seems absurd – an insult to the Universe, almost – that I am spending it on dumb unhappy fatties with no job prospects and bad breath.
The ultimate goal, of course, is to make a lasting and formidable dent in the Universe — one that can be viewed from space, ideally. Steven Jobs did it by inventing important electronic devices, and Benjamin Franklin did it by signing declarations or whatnot. I don’t know what my dent will be but I sure as hell know that it’s not going to be lasting nor formidable unless I improve the quality quotient of the people I associate with.
That’s why I need you to help me find a way out of this mess.
I’ll tell you what I’m considering. I am considering dumping all my friends and hanging out with no humans except for those who are active members of the Young Professionals Network. But then I am afraid even that may not be enough because if I want to be Great then I need to hang around people who are even Greater than me. That’s why I’m considering trying to get admission to the Chesterfield Pool & Tennis Club (very ritzy clientele, in case you didn’t know) by offering car washes and sexual favors or whatnot.
But I’m open to other ideas.
+++
While we’re on the topic, I’m wondering if you can help me understand something this guy Hugh wrote. He said, and I quote, “All relationships involve deliberate inefficiency.” Say what?
Here’s his “evidence”:
When you meet a friend for lunch, you do not go to the place that promises you the most efficient source of high quality calories – instead you go to the place that makes hanging out with your friend the easiest. Things like quality of food, how fast the kitchen is and even cost take a back seat to things that make it easier to spend time with your friend. You are not working on the project called “Get Maximum Calories at the Best Price”. You are working on a project called “Hang out with Mike over Food”.
I happen to work with a bunch of economists and since this uses the word “efficiency” I thought maybe one of them could help me decipher this. Here’s what one economist said:
Yes, indeed. There can be no way around it: All relationships involve deliberate inefficiency if by “inefficiency” we mean unproductive use of labor or capital, and if by “unproductive” we mean failing to deliver tangible assets.
Translate, please?
Lovingly,
J$
